Do you ever replay over and over again an interaction you had with someone? Do you try and figure out what people around you might be thinking or saying about you? Do you envision and play-out in your mind all the things you would say to that old boss or old flame if you ever had the displeasure of seeing them again?
I am currently reading davidji’s book Sacred Powers. Within it he says, “We need to make a daily commitment to accept ourselves in every moment, be kind to ourselves, and appreciate ourselves.”
Something in this made me realise that when I spend 40% of the day worrying about past-failures, inventing conversations that I wish I could have to settle old-scores or to tell my side of a story I realised that I am not accepting myself.
My mind was full of conversations with people that I did not like or love. I would replay over and over again conversations that I had had with these troubling people. But my mind didn’t stop there, it also played out scenarios and conversations we could have and I even started playing out conversations they might be having with other people about me. All this meant was I was exhausted and full of fear and inaction. Too scared about all the things that could happen, too focused on the bad things that had happened I could not be present.
This is no-way to live.
I remembered an old teaching at church growing up, your body is a temple. Now I don’t really know temples. But I switched it to my body is my house. I live within it and I am it. And then the lightbulb *bing* moment came when I simply asked myself: Would I let that person into my house?
If the answer was yes, then I know I cared about that person. I loved them. And therefore, hell yes, I needed to think about them, think about what to do next and what positive steps of action I could and then would take.
And if the answer was no well it was obvious, I would shut the door on them. And so in my mind, when that person who was unhealthy for me, had wronged me came wandering in and taking up space, getting themselves comfy in my brain, I just said “No thank you!” And shut the door on them.
Why this is so powerful to me, is that my house is my comfort, it is my fortress, its where I feel safe. And if you’re at home and thinking about these people who are not healthy for you and make you feel uncomfortable, then you need to shut the door to them in your mind. You must. Do not let them take up space that is not for them. There are only so many moments in the day. Spend it on the people who deserve it.
All I had to do when these unwanted guests came knocking into my consciousness was CLOSE THE DOOR. Tell them in mind, “No, you’re not welcome here” and close the door on them.
This has literally changed my thought patterns overnight. The first few days it was terrifying how often they came knocking, and how often I had to say, “No” and close my mind to them.
Overtime they knock less and less.
Without this constant negative chatter from people I do not want in my life and have actively removed from my physical life, my mind feels lighter, my heart more full and my body less achey.
I have been able to close the door on them, work through the memories that need it, and release those people.
If they come knocking again, or slip in quietly I recognise it ask myself, would I let this person in my house – if its a no, then I close the door on them. This allows me time to think much more constructively and use my time and my mind much more wisely.
I highly recommend this technique if you’re struggling with thinking about the same old negative unhealthy people, the same old conversations. Would you allow them in your home? If its a no, don’t allow them in your mind. Your body is you house. Be careful who you let in.